Women first, then mothers.

I am,by Allah's bounty, a mother. It is widely understood that a woman, at some point of her life, SHOULD be a mother, even in the most expansive societies. Factors of age, partner and health are only secondary. The norm has it that a woman is bound to feel the need/desire to be a mother at some point. In relatively smaller communities, like here, in Mauritius, a married woman is asked whether she wants children soon. Whether she's on the pill. If she hasn't conceived after a while, she will be asked (by 'well-wishers') whether her husband does not want children. Or told about the endless side effects of the pill which could have supposedly caused infertility. In high class societies, the woman will be referred to doctors who have conducted successful IVFs.

My heart today reaches out to the woman for whom Allah decreed that she will not bear a child. Often, she will be unscrupulously blamed, it is amazing how people will wonder whether she is inferttile, whether her husband/partner is. Whether she has been on the pill for too long. Whether she is 'modern' and too career minded to have a child.

Often, people will forget that it is not in the hands of any doctor, any Man, to make a woman bear a child. Today, I choose hence to understand, be tolerant, be compassionate towards the woman who cannot bear a child. Indeed, the reason for infertility lies with Allah. Indeed, it can be a tremendous affliction and test upon a sister, a friend...


Let us reach out to the sister who
1. Due to stress of not being a mother, finds only a career/job to keep her going and prevent depression.
2. Due to a history of hidden abuse, whether physical, mental or sexual, finds it impossible for her to bear and take the responsibility of a child.
3. Due to acute forms of depression, or any physiological cause, knows that childbirth would be more of a burden.
4. Due to cancer, chronic asthma, Fallopian tube being damaged, ovarian cysts, and other medical causes, is forbidden by the doctor to have a child, lest she might endanger her own life.

Instead of rejecting the sister who finds herself in such a situation, let us all, insha Allah, find the courage to extend our love and support to her, and make this test less hard. Ameen.